4 DPO - 14th May 2010

This is my lowest day so far, I have been up so much in the night with the pain. A new lady is due to go down to theatre this morning for a hip replacement. She has already had several other similar surgeries. I begin to worry that maybe mine hasn't worked and I will be back in here in the future too. Maybe that is why I am so much pain still?

When the physio arrives we talk about my going home - it won't be until next week and only if I can walk to and from the bathroom unaided several times in a day. I am happy this is the goal. Although I am disappointed that I also have to sit in a chair for 3 hours to make sure that I can cope with the journey home. It appears the hospital are not going to offer me transport home as previously suggested.

I also still have my catheter firmly in place and attached to my walking frame - which I can now use to get from bed to chair. I ask every nurse today if they can remove it and the answer is always later.

This afternoons checks show I have a temperature and low blood pressure. It has always been fairly low but it seems to have dropped a bit today. The doctor comes and tells me they hope its just because I am getting used to moving after being still for so long and nothing more serious.

This evening I feel a little better, the sun setting has turned the sky a beautiful red and the view over London actually looks quite nice this evening maybe that's just all the morphine?

1 DPO - 11th May 2010

I day post operation!

Crikey why don't they let you sleep. At 6.00 I am awoken again for more BP checks and temperature checks. I am still on the oxygen but they have thankfully removed the mask and given the little thing that pokes up your nose.
During the night when they do these checks I normally get more pain relief and can go back to sleep but at 6.00am it appears everyone wakes up. Which is rather foolish as breakfast is another 2 hours away what is everyone going to do?
I switch on my TV and wonder if I can face some toast. At 8.00am I discover that even if I could eat I can't because toast is not on the menu,instead I am given some porridge. 2 mouth fulls is enough and then I feel sick.
The physio arrives mid morning with a pair of crutches, if I could I would laugh. There is no way she is getting me on them! Instead we try to work out a way to get me to sit up. Its harder then you would think!
Eventually I am helped on to my side and half lifted into a seating position, as she moves my legs off the bed the pain is unbearable and I promptly part with the 2 mouth fulls of porridge. It looks a lot more splattered on the floor.
I apologise but I get the impression that's not the worst bodily fluid that's missed her shoes.
I am allowed to lay back down and informed that I feel sick because of the drugs and the fact I have been lying flat for so long.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. By tea time I am quite ready for some food. Until it arrives, and I decide that maybe I will give it a miss until tomorrow. After all its only been one day!

Two more sleeps

Well today has all been about packing bags, buying pj's and dressing gowns and basically getting things organised for my hospital stay.

The hospital phoned yesterday and said in 3 days time I was to be booked in for surgery. That left me in a whirlwind or organising rota's for who would look after Molly and writing lists of things I needed to buy, pack and leave behind for my family.

I have a list of things to buy to take, buy to leave so I can set up recovery room for when I return and things to organise so my husband can run the home without me.

I am concerned he won't know how to use the washing machine, that Molly will go to preschool with no juice, that they will eat frozen dinners every night and that Molly may miss ballet lessons or Sunday school.
None of these things in themselves are a disaster but today they feel like the most important thing in the world.

So I have cancelled friends who were due to visit this weekend, spent far too much money in Tesco this morning, done my last ballet class with Molly for some time, and packed a huge selection of pants, pj's and books in to my hospital bag.

I have written a list of my friends numbers and what days they are having Molly on the table, a list of where she needs to be on what days and by when and a list of things to do during the time I am away. It all feels so final and so scary.