I cry on everyone and anyone who calls or pops in to see me.
I can't control this and I am so frightened. I want to go back into hospital this can't be right this is not how it was meant to be. The pain is unbearable but this dispair and tears is too much.
When a good friend phones she recognises immediately the withdrawal symptoms not only from the pain killers but from being institutionalised. She takes control and phones the doctors for me who change my medication strength so the withdrawal is not so intense.
Its not even sad things that make me cry, its a disgusting self pity crying that I hate to allow flow. I dont want to let it out because the hurt feels like I should be punished.
This evening is much better, Andy and Molly sit and eat on my bed with me and molly falls asleep next to me. It is going to get better but I fear this is the hardest part now.
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