Okay I going home this is the big day we have been working towards.... excited?...no, happy?......no
What is wrong with me? Why am I crying about this?
I should want to go home but I am scared, tired and oh so suffering from the withdrawal.
When the discharge nurse asks what time I want the ambulance to arrive I cry! I could have had the ambulance transfer home after all. Why did no one tell me this? Andy is a few miles away from the hospital there is no way I am not going home in his car now!
The discharge nurse seems very patient with my tears and tantrums though. I go and give my special friend a hug and kiss and she promises to write to me. She seems so vulnerable and I don't want to leave her. I have some good friends here now and it feels like I have been asked to leave the holiday early. I can't quite explain it right.
When we get home I burst into tears, I warn Andy I can't control them and don't understand them. Everything feels like such an anti climax and a disappointment.
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