I don't quite no where to start with this, so here is a brief update. The last few weeks I had been doing great felt like I was turning some big corners. I can walk a little further and was getting used to the pain. So much so that when I started to run out of pain relief. I didn't realise the implications. I am down to only really relying on Tramadol now, so when I noticed I was low I phoned the surgery for a repeat prescription who said the earliest would be Friday lunch time. I had only enough for one dose and I needed two. So I missed the night time dose and took some other fairly strong relief instead. I couldn't get to sleep and the next morning felt incredibly teary and frustrated. I was scared to take the tramadol now as I recognised these symptoms for the withdrawal I suffered coming off of the morphine. I began to panic and phoned the doctor. He explained he has already signed the prescription for tramadol but would issue another for something else if I wanted it. Wanted it? I don't know what I want but I know I am not right. I wanted someone to take charge and tell me what to do. I phoned Kate instead - we arrange to meet at the chemist. After I pick up prescription we sit in the coffee shop. Kate is worried. I collect Molly from preschool and Andy takes us home. That night the pains start. I have stomach cramps, sickness and diarrhoea and the shakes and sweats soon follow. I have no idea what to do. I start seeing things and really begin to panic. By morning I am a wreck. Andy is taking Molly to ballet and I know I can't be alone. I have a hair appointment already booked so I decide the best thing is to go to that rather than be alone.
As I sit in the hairdressers for nearly 3 hours. I regularly leave to be sick and have to explain why I am ill. I decide to phone NHS direct who advise to get to a walk in clinic or hospital asap. I leave with gorgeous hair and the body of the dead. At the walk in clinic there treatment is amazing, I am advised to get a new doctor who should refer me to counselling and also manage withdrawal, I am put back on the same high dose of tramadol and told I should be weaned off over 5 months.
I am unable to cope with Molly this afternoon so whilst Andy takes a much needed nap a friend looks after her while I go to another friends for coffee. I let it all pour out and sit and cry for hours. I feel a little better after!
So, I have now registered with a new surgery and already seen my new doctor. He seemed a little surprised at my account. I shall make another appointment to see him soon to discuss moving forward.
So that's it really back on the painkillers and living life with crutches or a wheelchair.
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