My Big Day was the best ride yet

Andy and Molly were both coming with me today. Andy couldn't take another day off work so spent a lot of the time before we left sending mails. I was getting more and more wound up about the appointment and struggling to get Molly ready, toys for her for the journey and enough snacks together for the day!
When we finally got there after sitting in traffic forever I want off to x-ray whilst Andy took Molly off for lunch. I didn't want her to hear some of the conversation I wanted to have with the surgeon, which was a shame as it meant Andy missed it.
When I got back to orthapeadics he was really laying in to trainee registrar. It was really quite funny. The poor bloke was so embarrassed as he knew I heard every word. My surgeon is very good and therefore a little arrogant, he seems to be able to charm or disarm people as he wishes. When I was called into the surgeons office to look at the x-rays I was so relived. All the pins are in the right place. We looked over all the old x-rays and everyone was impressed at how far out my pelvis was and to where it sits now. It feels amazing to know all the pain and the tears have been worth it.

One stable pelvis (with a little metal work)

I have another 3 months of being very careful walking and using the crutches outside the house but if I am sure I am absolutely fine I can lose them sooner. I have a lovely letter for my local hospital to ask them to start physio and hydro too. That will be the best bit seeing how much I can do and working on little exercises or something to start making it all better. I can't wait to get back in that pool.

I go back to the surgeon in another 12 weeks. I shall be stick free and addiction free by then just you watch!

3 Months on

I can not believe it has been 3 months now since i had my operation. I have hardly used the wheel chair this month at all.  I am now pretty free to move around the house unaided too. All this has made a big difference to being able to look after Molly.

I am still taking all the tramadol. I know I am dependent on it and can tell if I am only a few hours late missing a dose, not just because of the pain levels but I also start to feel agitated and emotional. I am amazed at my dependency on the drug (and a little scared). Hopefully I will be able to talk to my new doctor about this soon and work out a plan to come off the tramadol without experiencing the withdrawal. I am also still on warfarin to prevents any clots. Although there is not really much of an issue being on warfarin apart from staying away from sharp knifes and having to have weekly blood tests it would be nice to not be taking drugs continually.

I have met with a few old friends this month too. People I have not seen since before the operation but who also knew me before I had Molly. They all think I am not only looking more like my old self but acting like her too. I am glad I look better I only hope its a good thing I am acting differently too!

Tomorrow is a big day. We are back at the hospital again for more x rays and a review from the surgeon. I am hoping tomorrow I will be given the all clear to start physiotherapy.  I think this will be another big step in the recovery as this will help me use the muscles correctly now that the pelvis physically can no longer move.

Think good thoughts for me please and pray if you do

Saturday 26th June - withdrawal

I don't quite no where to start with this, so here is a brief update. The last few weeks I had been doing great felt like I was turning some big corners. I can walk a little further and was getting used to the pain. So much so that when I started to run out of pain relief.  I didn't realise the implications. I am down to only really relying on Tramadol now, so when I noticed I was low I phoned the surgery for a repeat prescription who said the earliest would be Friday lunch time. I had only enough for one dose and I needed two. So I missed the night time dose and took some other fairly strong relief instead. I couldn't get to sleep and the next morning felt incredibly teary and frustrated. I was scared to take the tramadol now as I recognised these symptoms for the withdrawal I suffered coming off of the morphine. I began to panic and phoned the doctor. He explained he has already signed the prescription for tramadol but would issue another for something else if I wanted it. Wanted it? I don't know what I want but I know I am not right. I wanted someone to take charge and tell me what to do. I phoned Kate instead - we arrange to meet at the chemist. After I pick up prescription we sit in the coffee shop. Kate is worried. I collect Molly from preschool and Andy takes us home. That night the pains start. I have stomach cramps, sickness and diarrhoea and the shakes and sweats soon follow. I have no idea what to do. I start seeing things and really begin to panic. By morning I am a wreck. Andy is taking Molly to ballet and I know I can't be alone. I have a hair appointment already booked so I decide the best thing is to go to that rather than be alone.
As I sit in the hairdressers for nearly 3 hours. I regularly leave to be sick and have to explain why I am ill. I decide to phone NHS direct who advise to get to a walk in clinic or hospital asap. I leave with gorgeous hair and the body of the dead. At the walk in clinic there treatment is amazing, I am advised to get a new doctor who should refer me to counselling and also manage withdrawal, I am put back on the same high dose of tramadol and told I should be weaned off over 5 months.
I am unable to cope with Molly this afternoon so whilst Andy takes a much needed nap a friend looks after her while I go to another friends for coffee. I let it all pour out and sit and cry for hours. I feel a little better after!
So, I have now registered with a new surgery and already seen my new doctor. He seemed a little surprised at my account. I shall make another appointment to see him soon to discuss moving forward.
So that's it really back on the painkillers and living life with crutches or a wheelchair.